Trust is the Issue Here.

is there a requirement for you to have REAL best friend?for you to give your 100% trust to a person? does being a reserved person is some kinda a bad thing to others? i woke up this morning with those thoughts in my mind. i woke up around 10am. well, that's because i stayed up late last night. i think i slept around 3am because i was watching an anime i just downloaded in my laptop. it's called Skip Beat and i totally love it. well, yeah. i think it's a good excuse though.

anyway, those things just popped inside my head earlier this morning. i just felt a bit of sadness and i don't know why. honestly, when i saw people who are real best friends, i envy them. i envy them because they have someone who could tell their whole secrets, someone who could call and sleep over in their house whenever they are bored or have problems, someone who could go shopping with them. i HAVE best friends but just for the sake of having a best friend. not that i am just using them and not really care for them, i consider them as my best friends because they are the closest persons to me aside from my family. but even though i treat them as my best friends, why can't i put my 100% or at least 90% of my trust to them. i share some secrets with them but not as the same as others who really trust their best friends and tell the whole story. i am not tryin' to be reserved but i really don't know how to trust people. maybe i was just taught while growing up to be more critical to people and not to trust easily. but i think i have gone so far that i can't even trust a person wholeheartedly even though i know deep down myself that they are trustworthy. i don't know, maybe i am just scared of depending so much to that person and hurt myself in the end. even in relationship, i don't fully trust my partner. there are still doubts inside of me and i just hide it. that's why i really don't believe that if you really love a person, you will trust him. or maybe, i am not just really in love. maybe that's not a real love.

maybe i am just a reserved person. and just because it's me who only knows the truth, sometimes i end up lying. but sometimes, it's like an advantage for me. i can solve the problem easily and i can lie because i'm the only one who knows the truth. i could easily make up excuses. but that's really frustrating because i am hindered to tell the truth because of my very self. i am more encouraged to lie because i knowthat everyone will believe me.

but then, when i have problems and i need someone to talk to, i can't seem to find someone to fit with my "standards". i ended up hiding it with myself because i can't find someone whom i could trust fully and tell what i am feeling inside. many times when i am down, i just save it for myself and think about how to solve it, without any help or advice from others. and when i am ready to spill it out, i look like there's no problem within me when i face people. i'm like the strong one. even though i already encountered this problem, people seem to find me courageous because it doesn't look like i am affected at all. and that's easy for me to show something differs from what is real because i am the only one who knows my true feelings. no one knows, even my closest friends.

Hassle!

hey there! wait, it's like almost a month since my last post, am i right? lol. well, many events happened recently. actually some of them were calamities and it really sucks. yeah, it does! imagine, sleeping without electricity, good food, phone and laptop battery?? it's like hell! yeah, i'm telling you, do not dare to experience it.

last week, we had our commerce week and it was totally fun! the costumes were awesome and i really can't believe that those freshmen were very creative. we had this theme, mtv stuffs. we should wear costumes that would portray our selected music video. we ran out late, so we have no choice but to wear army stuffs. it was based on the video "simulan mo na" by pedicab if i'm not mistaken. but the thing here was, those other sections were like very creative especially the freshmen! one of the sections portrayed "Hot and Cold" by Katy Perry and they're like very good! the girls were wearing wedding gowns and and the guys wore suits. two humbs up for them! and there was this guy with his very fabulous car, he portrayed Flo Rida! haha, imagine that :)) and you know what? i saw a car during the parade and i promise that that would be my dream car! it colors red and a top-down thing and it really looks fabulous! for sure, it has a rich owner. i wonder if i will be able to have that one too.

anyway, Philippines is in a state of calamity because of the typhoon Ondoy. i think dead bodies were now more than a hundred. so i hope that my loved ones and also others would be safe. i can't forget our experience in our dormitory. last saturday, our class was dismissed by 10am because of the heavy rain. i was able to get back to our dormitory but it was hella difficult because the rain was getting heavier and that there were "small" floods. on our dormitory, i was getting ready to go back home but because of the heavy rain i decided to let it hoop out first. unfortunately, it didn't! instead, it gets a lot heavier. so i then decided not to go home that day. i was watching some movie in my laptop to kill some time then the power just went out! that really sucks! so turned off my laptop and waited for the electicity to come back, but still no power present :( until it gets dark, there's still no power. thank God some of my friends in the other room were there so i was not alone. and my roommate' classmates were there because they were also stranded. you see, the flood was almost deep waist so you can't dare walk through it. you'll die! lol. so they slept in our room. it looked like an evacuation center. haha. then there's still no power the next day. it really sucks.

earlier, when i was on my way home, i was riding in a bus then suddenly the bus just bumped into another car! obviously, there's an accident. i was really shocked because i was sitting just behind the driver and the bumped thing occured near me. i was in total shock and i don't know what to do. thank God i came back home alive! lol

maybe the thing i will be thankful of is that our classes were suspended until Wednesday. so, that would be a much long vacation.


okay, i thing i'm outta here. i want to say so many things and in detailed but i don't think i'm in the right mood right now. so gotta say goodbye and goodnight for awhile :)


charm

Best Experience

feels good to write again here. hello everyone :) well, at least for those who read my blogs. :) alright, you might be wondering where was this picture taken and who are this people. from left: louie, shin, angel, paula, airish, the curly girl(lol, because i really don't know her name. i totally forgot. my bad), and of course, ME! :D we're wearing yellow shirts not because we went to some rally and shout for cory's name. lol. it's a no no. we had our National Service Training Program or NSTP for short. we had a community service. we went to Brgy. 56 in Tondo, Manila. it's really a depressed area. what do you think is the environment there? the place? the people? what kind of people?

but what's the irritating thing that happened there was i woke up early because i have to buy food. it's Sunday, there's no open stores that could sell lunch type of foods and apparently, in that time of day. it's just around 6:45. so what would i expect? well, lucky me... the 7/11 store was open.. well, of course. duh. and i found a sisig with rice. i'll just have to reheat it. and the funny thing was, when i was about to reheat the food in the microwave, i don't know it works. i can't open it and i don't know what'sthe right button for me to push. lol. but well, i remained cool. :) then i asked someone beside me of how that thing works. haha. that's hilarious! thank God and that guy, because i was able to reheat it and got there on time. but the worst thing was, when i got there, it's like we waited for about 2 hours because we can't find our facilitator. we thought he already went to the place because the place is really not that far. we could just take one ride to get there. and after that long long wait, we finally saw our facilitator. he said he's just waiting there in the bus. and all of us we're like.. wth?

the trip was okay, though it was like less than 30 mins. haha. imagine that, 30 mins and still have to use a bus. :D well, of course i know, it's for us to be comfortable. no problem with that. it's just really unusual. i am used of riding in a bus when i have to go to far places. like, going to Cavite from Manila or like for field trips way back high school and grade school. oh, i miss those days. :(

when we got there, i'm really quite nosy about the place. i'm totally feeling obnoxious because it's really dangerous there. you have no idea that suddenly, there will be someone who will stab you on your back with a knife. it's scary but i tried my best to forget about all of those things and focus with our main goal, to help. but we didn't do the community development itself, not yet. we just did some profiling about the place and the people so that next semester when we come back, that would be the time where we will put a community plan.

i interviewed one family, they're Bongabo family. and some of their children. i entered their house and i felt sad with what i saw. i realized how lucky i am to live in a quite big house with complete appliances and things i need. i realized how lucky i am because i am able to enter in a veru good university. i asked the father and the mother of the said family about their educational attainment, unfortunately they were undergraduate. the father finished only 2nd year high school. he's a pedicab driver and the mother only do some laundry. i really can't imagine how they are able to support their 6 children. but i am glad because i have learned that their eldest daughter is studying in college. in TUP. i hope she could graduate and help her family. then i played with some children. they're nice. honestly, i don't like children especially those who are very naughty. but those children were amazing. when you look at them, you can't tell that they're just living in that kind of place. they look like they have no problems. they're happy and contented. well, of course not really. but when you have seen their faces, you will think the same thing.

i can't forget this one boy i interviewed. he's funny because when i asked him about his birthday, he doesn't know. what i did was, i asked one of his siblings. and i told him that he shouldn't forget his birthday. and whenever i saw him always ask him what's the date of his birthday. haha.

i will never forget this experience. i am so glad that i was given the chance to do this and realize how lucky i am with my life. i hope and i pray that the people there will be safe always and find some way to develop their ways of living.


alright, i'm outta here.
charm :)

University's Pool Party!

Sorry if I wasn’t able to post a blog as much as I used to. This week was hell week. Yeah, literally. We already had our preliminary examination. It’s really stressing, though, it’s much easier than last years’. And what I hated was our examination in our computer subject. Can you imagine having a preliminary exam in a lengthwise yellow pad paper?? I mean, what was that? It was just like a quiz. But I swear to death that the content of exam was very very difficult. It’s like forever before you could answer it. Our professor told us to read this “Halloween Documents” thing. It’s an anti-Microsoft document. It’s really interesting, but it’s totally long! You got 60 pages to read with an 8 font size! Imagine? And the worst thing was, the questions in our exam were more on acronyms and enumeration. Well, it was much easier if it is in the documents but hell no. they were there but it has no meaning and he said we should have searched for the meaning of them. That’s whatever! I still can’t get over it but yeah, that’s life! That’s college life!

We have no class today but we are supposed to have one. And it’s frustrating because it is supposed to be the last day of our exam. We are supposed to have 2 departmental exams (Economics and Marketing). But our class was suspended because of the heavy rain. It was started from 2 in the morning. It’s really startling because there’s a thunder, very strong thunder. I alarmed my phone by 4:30am to study again but I actually disabled it because of the heavy storm and like, I know deep inside that there will be no classes. Then I woke around 7am and my classmates were like flooding my inbox and asking if there will still be a class. I have no credits so I ended up buying some credits. Then I looked at the window, and it’s like… “What the f*ck?!” there’s a flood out there and it was knee level! Then I saw the table in our canteen below, it was floating there on the road. That’s hilarious! Lol. And we’re waiting like an hour for an official announcement. And I hate it because it’s too late. Like, some of the students were on their way to school because they have no idea that our school was flooded like hell. And unfortunately for them, some of them were stranded. So much for them.

And my classmates were like, enjoying the no-classes day. It was like, duh? What’s good about that?? I’ve studied my lessons for 2 days and just like that? The exam will be postponed?? That’s really frustrating you know. It will be re-scheduled on Monday and I hate it. I am supposed to be relaxing by now and tomorrow, just chillin’ at home and surf the internet. But hell no! I still have to study! I hate it so much.

And since there’s no class, I really want to go home now. But the problem was how am I supposed to do that? The water was knee-level, so how how how? Well, if you’re thinking that I should go and pay no heed to the flood, you’re right! That’s what I did. And it was like hell! I swear I don’t wanna do it again. It’s really gross, seeing that your feet are under the dark water with trashes on it and say, feces?? That’s gross! I really have to put alcohol on my legs. And then, at last, I got home. And hurriedly went to the bathroom and took a shower. I felt like I’m so dirty and full of unknown microorganisms. Haha.

Okay, I’m so blah-blah-blah-ing here. I have to end this and go to church. Just a little side note, that picture was taken by an architecture student in our university and was posted in the internet. So I decided to grab it and post it here. Well, that’s the main building of our university. And look below, there’s the flood. Our school was flooded so what more on the outside? Haha, imagine it. I posted that picture so you could have an idea how gross the flood was.

Alright, I gotta go now. Bye npw.

Charm,

How Frustrating Is That??

hey, i'm home now and really feels great to be home :) earlier, we only had 2 subjects so i just spent 2 hours in school. and i felt lazy goin'to school. if i could just absent. just one day. haha. if it wasn't because of my Calculus subject, i won't go. i can't miss one class in that subject. i'll find it hard to catch the lesson if i did. but it was a great day, so far.

anyway, i am already a novice of Marketing and Communications Committee in our organization. but it is a different organization. not the Pre-Com one, which i have told you before. when i was interviewed, HE was there. yeah, the guy i've been always telling you. and he noticed me. haha. he was getting something in a cabinet near the desk of where i sit. then he noticed me, then he asked me if what happened to the other organization. i told him that it was already closed but i managed to apply to other organization. and i heard that he will also join our organization next year. he's going to be a novice also. so.. :) haha. well, i rarely see him. i think he's a bit busy with the organization. but, so what? :D

i also came back to our chorale. yeah, fyi, i am a soprano member of the commerce chorale. and it just happened that i have done 1 solo during the pre-concert of Himig Tomasino. :) and it feels good to be back. there were new members and they were good. the chorale really sounds great this year and it sounds balance. i hope it will be our year :) wish us luck!

i've been reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. i just borrowed it from one of my blockmates. it's the book 7 and the last book. so i have to enjoy every page of it. haha. i just read the synopsis of the book on internet. so, i already have the idea about the story. but still, reading the book makes a lot of sense. not because i love reading, but because i love Harry Potter. :)

oh, i just want to share that i have my new uniform now. haha. yeah, the student council had this project to have a new uniform. just so you know, ou previous uniform was white just lie medicine and nursing students. duh? we're business students. we should be wearing some corporate attire. and that's the fulfillment!haha. i'll be wearing them next week. i'm kinda excited :)) haha

last night, there was the Freshmen Walk in our university. it happened every year. i thought i just told you about that with my previous blogs. yeah, i think i was. then, just like the usual thing..there's a concert after the mass. and the thing here is, i wasn't able to go to the concert. they said that the bands who will be performing we're not that popular. so i decided not to go. but this morning, i just found out from my seatmate that it was Sponge Cola who performed. dammit! they are my ever favorite band! i've been waiting so long to see them, and i've wasted so many concerts hoping to find them there. and the night they are in our university, i wasn't there!!! OMG, i wanna cry!! :(( i've been waiting so long, since highschool to see Yael in person. i was just few steps from our school, from Spongecola! but i wasn't able.huhu :(

okay, i think i'm over reacting. but i am really frustrated. :( i'll just leave you here.



charm,

Stop Cha-Cha, for God's Sake!

i'm in my dormitory right now, and while i am eating my dinner i am watching tv. this crap thing really freaks the whole Philippines. i mean, hello?? aren't you contented with your 6-years term?? why would you have to pursue this freaking Cha-Cha?? for your term to be extended?? that's bullshit! sorry for the vocabulary, but that's the truth! for those who doesn't know what Cha-cha or Charter Change is.. that's somewhat an action of the government to have a Constituent Assembly. they will change our government system to parliamentary. well, of course, for term extension purposes! what the hell was that? haven't you noticed that there were lots of bombings down-south recently? everyday rallies in almost every part of Manila by different sectors and organizations. i am aware of that because i am staying in Manila and i have seen rallies for real. why is this happening to our country? because of this pathetic government! and what do they do? they don't care less about that. what they care about is pursuing this Cha-Cha thing! if you are a government official, you have to do service to your countrymen and not making yourself wealthy. you were voted and positioned in where you are right now because people trusted you. you have given a specific term so that you could fulfill your duty. so why do you have to extend your term? because you think your not yet done with your duties? because you think you still haven't done the best thing that you can do for your country??c'mon! that's hilarious! immature and really pathetic! those who are in the position only shows us how selfish they are and how greedy they are when it comes to power and money. why am i saying this? for now, i am not that affected. but i don't want to be affected in the future so i have to be aware right now of the things i have to do. maybe i am becoming more mature and more aware of the things happening around me. now i am thinking to pursue an Economics major. it's a pre-law so i could study law. fyi, it's my dream to be a lawyer. there are just some reasons why i can't pursue that. okay, enough with that.

anyway, i was doing earlier my resume. why? i am applying to be a comhead of one of the organizations in our college. i should do this for future purposes and i want my college life to be more productive. enough with too much cleverness, time for practical deeds.if you didn't get what i mean, it means i have to apply in real life those things i have learned in school. being clever, having high grades are not enough for you to say that you are ready for your future job. you have to apply it. you have to train yourself. or else, everything will be useless. and the thing here is, the guy i've told you.. he's an officer of that org and he used to be the one who interviews the applicants. i mean, that's too much for coincidence, right? i don't even know that he likes engaging with those kind of things. i was in total shock when i was in the org room and he just approached us. i was surprised to know that he knew me. well, not my name but my face because he always sees me whenever they come here to eat. then earlier, i came from the computer shop to have my resume printed then i came back to the dorm and he was there with his friend. then i came down again to call my mom on phone. he just looked at me and smile at me with a wave of his hand. haha. okay, i don't want to misinterpret that. :) alright, i'll just end it up here. whatever you are thinking, it's not like that okay? lol

oh, and just a little side note.. please correct me if i am wrong about my explanation on Charter Change. i would highly appreciate that. here's my quote for the day: "Enough with too much cleverness, time for practical deeds."

charm,

Just Bored!

guess what, i have no class today! yay! lol. yeah, i have no class today because of the bad weather. actually, i havae no class since yesterday because there's a faculty union in our university. so i have got nothing to do here in our room so i just decided to write something. and later, i might watch a movie i just downloaded. and oh, i am hoping also that we have no class tomorrow because i have a quiz tomorrow on Economics. the lesson is fine but you know, i'm kinda nervous of complicated questions that might asked there. but it's kinda fun because youll be graphing the demand and the supply and then you have to get the equilibrium. just a bit stressful :) lol

anyway, since i have no class yesterday i just slept the whole morning. then, when i woke up i've been doubting if i'll be watching the Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. yeah, it opened yesterday. just so you know, i am a big HP fan. lol, not the printer device. haha. nad the thing here was, i watched it by myself. haha. for some, it might sound.. "so what?" but all of my friends were laughing at me. they can't believe that i could watch a movie all alone just because i love HP. it's weird for them. lol, so what? it's Harry Potter for god's sake! and it's the second to the last of Harry Potter series so i have to watch it. even without accompany. :)) okay, i'm a huge fan i know. some hates HP, but for me it's the best! believe me. if you only watched it from the beginning, you'll like it too. some hates it because they weren't able to watch it from the beginning. haha. they're just bitter. just kiddin' :))

the movie was great! :) actually, all HP movies were great for me. i have already read that book. the movie was quite the same with the story in the book. though, of course, there were some changes and some of the happenings from the book were not in the movie. well of course i know, they can't fit all of it in just 2 hours and a half movie. i just wonder what will happen with the movie if they exactly followed the story in the book.and they did it with 2 hours and a half. haha. i can't imagine :) but all else are great! you should watch it too. especially to those, Daniel Radcliffe fans! yeah, i'm one of them. haha. there were lots of love stories between Harry and Ginny and also between Ron and Hermoine. and you'll laugh hard also. imagine me, laughing alone :)) haha. and you'll cry too :( when i read the book i cried also. although i already know the story, i can't help but still cry when i watched the movie. lol. oh my gosh, did i spoiled a lot? haha. my apology! :D

another thing, the guy i was telling you before.. i already know his name. i was shocked when i saw him in our college building. he's also a commerce student and a sophomore too. we just saw each other when we're on our way to speech laboratory for our speech class. he was just there and he's talking to one of my classmates. and it happened that my classmate was my partner in one of our activities. so i talked to him, then HE saw me. then we just stared at each other. i can visualize that he's in shocked too. lol. but if course, i act as if everything's normal even though for real, i wanna jump because of shock. i already know his name. but i won't tell you :D and this morning, he had no class too. duh, of course we have the same course. he was with his friends and they ate here. so, i saw him :) haha. my day was just complete. haha. okay, fair enough. i'm talking too much. yeah, i guess i'm right. haha.

so, i think i should go now. i'm not busy though. i'm trying to make myself busy but i don't know how. :| maybe i'll just watch a movie or sleep, or... whatever. i wanna go home now. :( i wish i don't have saturday class! alright, i'll go now :)

charm,