The Nerve!

i think it's been two weeks since my last post here. actually, i'm just writing here without my internet connection. i just wrote it because i just want it so. i'll post it when i got the time to go online.so you're maybe wondering why i sounds a bit late or early or whatever. alright, for short, i'm in my dormitory and we don't have a wifi yet so i can't go online. i have to go to net cafes, but i have to do important things first when i am there so i can't write a blog which sometimes takes me a half an hour to do so. i could go to the library and use the internet there but i just don't like to do so. lol. that's me! lazy, in a sense that there are things i don't like to do even though i could do it. okay enough with that.

recently, i've been through lots of problems and trials. is it just normal for teenagers to be reckless sometimes with their decisions? i might ask it because i feel like i'm being reckless with my decisions. though, i've been thinking about those things over and over again but then again, when i have decided on something, i just felt like i've made a mistake and looks like i've been reckless enough doing such decision. i am consulting other's opinions. even my parents opinions. and just because they have different perceptions i'm there, confused with what i'm gonna do. and when i do such thing, i'm trying to find lots of good reasons behind that action. like i am convincing myself that i just did the right thing and i won't regret for my decision. but then, there's just this voice that tells me that i just did the wrong one. okay, maybe you're a little confused with what i am trying to say here. you'll be like.. "what the hell is she talking about?" i've been thinking about something whether i should do it or not. there are lots of opinions which totally make me confused. i'm sure you'll tell me to do what i think is right and what i want. but that's actually my problem. i want to do this thing because i want it and i think it will help me in the future. i want it to have more connections since i am in a business field. but, the thing is, it isn't right. yeah, i know there are things or other ways that could help me in the future. it's totally not the right thing. but i don't know why i want it. my friends are telling me not to do it, but i don't know. i just don't want to regret about it someday. regret that i should have done that so that i could be satisfied with what i am now or regret, in a sense that i've made a mistake. i don't know. even me, i don't know what i am saying here. enough with that.

anyway, i've been totally single for 7 months. and i just saw my ex-boyfriend last week and yesterday. we had this nstp-orientation thing. and all colleges in our university will have this orientation in our building. since my ex is an engineering student, they have to come to our building. actually, i'm not expecting to see him. but yeah, i just saw him. and also last week. me and my classmates played billiards (though, i am not that good in playing that kind of sport) haha. and it just so happened, that he's also playing there. just beside the table we're playing on. coincidence huh? and i just hate it because we're a total strangers to each other. i mean, i am not bitter anymore. i was, but not anymore. alright, i am not expecting a melodramatic scene. i'm not expecting him to say sorry with what he have done to me or whatsoever. just, a smile. i just want him to say "hi" or just nod or what. not because i still love him. was it nothing for him? i mean, the relationship? the moments? we could be friends anyway. i don't know. i just don't feel it right.

okay, enough now. bye :)

charm