"It’s either we breakup or get married"

So, earlier I had watched this video about relationships stages. In this video, the story ended up in a breakup. I was kinda amazed and felt like I have to blog this because recently, I have heard lots of breakup issues of my friends, of some other people.

“Whether taking each other for granted, or people changing over time, the bottom line is someone stops trying.” This has caught my attention. I already saw this line from tumblr and twitter but I had no idea that this came from a video uploaded in youtube. Recently, I had through fights with my boyfriend that I almost ended up changing myself to make him realize that I felt so unloved. But he proved me wrong though. And yes, I do believe that it is possible that someone really stops trying especially if one feels unloved by that someone he/she truly loves. And I’m really terrified to accept the fact that indeed, people change over time or that people may take each other for granted. I’m scared to feel that future pain if ever that occurs to me. How will I deal with it? How would I handle it? Could I survive? Will I ever be able to move on?

Of course, I’m not expecting any heartbreaks in the future or worst, break up. But watching this video made me imagine all possible things that could happen, especially if you are in a serious relationship. In the video, the girl asked, “Do you realize that there are only 2 options for our future together? It’s either we breakup or get married.” It’s true. If you’re in a relationship, it’s either you go on and make your relationship work or accept that it’s the end of the road and start being strangers again. It’s either you continue falling in love with each other or stop because there’s no love anymore.

There are fortunate relationships that even though they got separated through breakups, they we’re able to be together again and see things as love is sweeter the second time around. Some relationships are very much fortunate because they have been together for years and they ended up facing the altar with no breakups. But some are unlucky and somehow strong enough to just admit that there’s no way they could make it and to just carry out their separate ways. Both must learn to let go and believe that God has reasons in doing and allowing such. Both must learn to move on. It’s not an easy task but somehow, you could do it. It takes time. It’s not about who left or who was left behind. Of course, the one who left can move on easily at least I believe it is. But bottom line is, both has to undergo the process called “moving on” because memories will keep you together forever whether you are the one who left or the one who was left behind.

“WE DON’T LIKE YOU!”

I really don’t understand why some people dislike you even though you’re not doing anything against them. Yeah, you can’t please everybody but why try so hard to please them when you’re just trying to be yourself?

I know I’ve been a very good person. As far as I know, people don’t hate me. Well at least I know they don’t. They may not like me but at least, they don’t hate me. How am I so sure? I have this Formspring account and I keep on plugging it on my Facebook so that people would ask questions about me and eventually, know if there are people who hate me. So far, so good. No hate questions, just friendly ones. I don’t know if they’re just too lazy to ask questions or they’re not interested that much. Well at least they don’t hate me because if they do, they’ll keep on asking rude questions to piss me off.

Why am I saying this? I knew SOME people who find me objectionable. I can’t seem to find a reason why. I have a good family, I’m studying in a good university, I’m an honor student, I’m not ugly, and I’m not like any other EASY girls out there. I’m not bragging. I’m just saying because I don’t know why these people dislike me so much when I am not doing anything bad. Did they find my friends unpleasant that’s why they find me unpleasant too? I say, why do I have to avoid them when they’re doing nothing terrible against me? We may have similarities but that doesn’t mean that I am exactly like them. We may enjoy each other’s company but I don’t act the same way as they do.

If you’ll ask me, I don’t really give a damn about how these people or other people would think. I’m just really upset because I have been trying to please these people for quite some time when I don’t really have to. I don’t really try to please people. I’m not used to act as someone because people want me to act like one. I’m not a puppet and for God’s sake, it’s the 21^st century people! Get on with your lives and start living in a modern world! If you can’t, go back to being ancient but never try bringing other people with you because they’re not like you.

I’m just being me and being me isn’t bad. And it really hurts me a lot because I care for them so much that I have to exert an effort just to make myself pleasing in their eyes wherein honestly, I don’t know what particular thing made them dislike me, if there is, so that I would change it. It is like “Kahit anong gawin ko, feeling ko hindi talaga nila ako magugustuhan.” I don’t know where to start, what to change, what to do to change their perceptions about me. I just wanna be a PART of them. For them to accept me. I may have flaws but that doesn’t connote that I am a bad person. Yes, some people would say, no you’re okay with them, but the feeling when you get to meet these people is very different from what people say. They don’t like you. They don’t even dare to look into your eyes or even say “Hi” or even just nod and smile. No. They don’t do that. They never do that. Because they don’t like you. I may not be that pretty or lovely. I may not be that smart. I may not be that rich. But that doesn’t give these people enough reasons to dislike and reject me. They don’t know me. They don’t even know my achievements. So why do they have to act as if they know me that well? They’re being judgmental. But there’s nothing I can do. I have to respect them because that’s the right thing to do. I have to shut up and work and wait till the day they accept me. (If that day would come.) But so far, everything isn’t working well between me and these people. Even though at times I feel so hurt because every time I meet them, it’s like they wanna slap my face and say “WE DON’T LIKE YOU!”. Honestly, whenever I see them, it’s quite awkward. I don’t know what should I do, how should I act, do I have to talk to them or not? But after expecting that they will somehow glance at you and just smile, you will be disappointed because they’ll just leave without looking at you even just for a second as if you aren’t existing, and you never existed.

PS: You are not supposed to relate on this matter. These people are not just typical haters. But if you do, welcome aboard!

A Fairytale Come True!

Lately, I’ve been very astonished about hearing the Royal Wedding on news. Prince William marrying Kate Middleton, a middle-class woman. Honestly speaking, who wouldn’t be jealous with her? It’s like a fairytale come true. I love fairytales but I never expected that it would happen for real well, not for me I guess. But it’s really hard to believe that there is such a thing a modern fairytales.

As I read some articles from the internet about the royal couple’s love story, I’m very amazed of how their love story turned out. One of my favorite movies is Princess Diaries. Well, learning the two’s love story reminds me of the movie, well at least for Kate. She’s an instant princess and soon to be, a queen. I envy her so much. Imagine, from a middle-class family, you’ll end up living in a castle, marrying a prince, having a true queen and king as your parent-in-law, wearing beautiful dresses that only royal families could wear, wearing a crown, doing royal traditions and the like. She’s very blessed indeed.

Back when I was a child, I always dreamt of being a princess with my own castle and a prince charming. That’s why until now, I still love watching fairytale-like movies (but of course in a modern way). I imagined myself as living in a monarchy country where I could somehow have the chance to meet or be in the same school the crown prince or other members of the royal family. But since Philippines don’t work that way, I imagined myself like Shan Cai of Meteor Garden or Jan Di of Boys Over Flowers where I could meet an almost-prince charming in the same school I am in. It’s almost like a fairytale. Haha. You’ll be the most popular girl because you’re dating that guy who’s the son of a multi-billionaire and not just dating, he is madly in love with you. I may sound as a hopeless romantic but think of it, is there a girl who never wanted that? Is there a girl who never wanted to be like a princess or an almost-princess? Of course, some would say they would prefer to live a simple life but please, everyone loves that. Everyone wants to be a member of a royal family or an upper family in a society.

But anywho, we all got our own fairytale. Some of us are fortunate enough to find their own prince charming. Some of us are very lucky to find and marry a real prince. To those who haven’t found theirs yet, don’t lose hope. There’s a time for everything and your very own prince will come to you when you least expect it.

OH SO HIGH SCHOOL!

April 16, Saturday, my high school classmates planned a mini reunion to spend our summer nicely and fun. I say “mini” because indeed, we are “mini” in numbers, not to mention that we’re not complete. L This mini reunion was actually premeditated by 4 lovely ladies, Jev, Rebecca, Marilyn and of course, Me! :p If you could remember my previous posts, they were the ones I go jogging with. So after jogging (or should I say ‘walking’), we had this thing in our minds. Actually, we’ve been planning this kind of reunion way back 2009 and 2010. Lazy us, we haven’t pursued it. You know, when you started college, some are missing in action, some have different priorities in life that they don’t want or have the time to be with those persons from their past. Thank God we were able to pursue it. I may say that I have practiced my Marketing skills in pursuing my classmates to join the reunion. And it’s not pretty easy you know. It’s as difficult as selling a new product in the market. Sometimes, I get so irritated with all their excuses. Most of their excuses are, “I’ve got no money”, “I’m busy”, “I’ve got summer classes”, “I can’t come”, and the like, end of story, goodbye! But no way could I accept those excuses! I tried pursuing them. Even always reminding them and repetitively asking them if they could come. There’s a point when I was riding in a jeepney and one of classmates was there too. The night before that, she said she couldn’t come because she had loads of school works to do sue to summer classes and that she has her monthly period. I tried pursuing her more until she said we’ll talk tomorrow. And there, when we’re on the same vehicle, I have no idea whether I would talk to her or not. Surely she knows, I’m kinda pissed off ‘bout her not joining the reunion. But then she tapped me and said, “Charm, daan ko sa inyo mamaya yung bayad ko.” And I was like, “Talaga? Sasama ka na?” with that huge smile on my face! :D And I felt quite guilty. Natakot yata siya. Haha!

So after coming up with the plan, finally we have pursued 14 people from our section to join the mini reunion. But the day of the said reunion, we had a problem with the private pool we have reserved. Since it’s a private pool in Pansol, Laguna, we just made a verbal reservation since we got no time to visit the place. We called them to follow-up but the owner/agent of the private pool told us that someone has made a reservation for 24 hours. And we’re kinda pissed off because we could do nothing since we only had a verbal reservation with that person. Fotunately, Jev knew someone who’s an agent of private pools in Pansol. He lend us a private pool worth P4,500. It’s really cheap compare to other private pools in Pansol but since it’s Saturday and it’s summer season, all the good ones were already reserved so we got no choice. The place was a little cozy because of that old look but the pool was big. It has 2 rooms upstairs. But hey, the bonding is more important than the place, right? Lol

We rented a jeepney worth P2,000. We got a 26-seater jeepney for 14 persons. Nicely done! Brr :)) Opps, I was on the phone talking with someoneon that photo.

The ex-lovers! They'd been talking alot during the reunion. I wish they could be together again. :)

The girls! :)

Time to prepare the foods! Ugh, actually they're the only ones who prepared the foods. Don't expect me! You might be disappointed with how the food tastes. Lol! Anywho, I salute the guys since they helped alot in preparing the foods. Not to mention their effort in making "paypay" the "ihawan". :)

Our favorite teacher, ROSELLE DAVID! We're so glad she allowed herself to come with us despite her busy schedule. Also, I'm so happy because we had this heart-to-heart talk. :) I really miss her. Thank you Ma'am! You really are the best! :D

The 4 ladies behind this mini reunion! :) Can you see how we love each other?

Aside from I was with my favorite teacher here, there's nothing really striking about this photo. But seeing that cup of coffee, I feel like I want one too. Okay, I'm just blah-ing! Next photo please :)

Okay, so don't think I'm wild. Haha! I'm just holding those 2 bottles of drinks. Right, I will not deny that I drink that night. But I swear, I wasn't drunk. That's a little different. A bit tipsy of course. Drinking 4 types of drinks? Gaa! But Jev and Arnie vomited. So I felt strong and at the same time proud of myself. HAHAHA!

Okay, nothing special. But I fancy myself here. :P

There are so many photos I would like to share here but I am kinda getting a hard time uploading them. This is what I love with high school. You may have different lives after 4 years of being together, you may have different encounters in life that changed you and your personality. High school is a lot different from college. In college, you'll get to meet lots of people. Different personality, different perspectives and the like. You may befriend them or sometimes all of them, but for a year or years or for a semester only. If you'll be lucky, for a lifetime. Being with your high school friends for 4 years is a whole lot different. Incomparable. Unexplainable. There's this connection between all of you that others can't take away. Not all of us are the same, some of us have been working already, some are still studying, some are doing business. But still, we were able to meet each other and spend a night. We may not afford something to make this reunion so grand, like rent a very expensive resort or go to beautiful places, I say there is always more than meets the eye. Watching and discovering that everyone has grown up and changed a lot is something irreplaceable. I'm so happy that I've been with them even just for 12 hours. This night is definitely worth remembering and I'll surely treasure this forever. :)

PS: I never proofread. My apologies :P

LEARN from your MISTAKES

This morning, I turned on my laptop and browsed my blog. I saw there that I got a comment on my recent post. It was from my former high school teacher, Sey David. From her comment, I realized lots of things. But pride is on his track and I can hardly accept the fact that I was wrong and acting so childish here.

This afternoon, I got a twitter mention from my friend/dorm-mate/gimikera-friend, Kei Calapatia. She asked me what's with the Expectations-Disappointments thing. I asked her if she had read my blog and she said, yes, twice. And she even said she wanted to give some comments regarding the blog but it's too long to put it on twitter. Then she said, she'll send it through mail.

After reading it, again, another realization. I am so wrong and that I have to apologize to my boyfriend. I asked her if I could post on my blog this email of her, and she said it's her pleasure :) It's long but very inspiring. Even those who are singles must read this and you'll get an idea on how to keep your future relationship strong. :)

Re Danger: Expectations

Well honestly, I got pretty interested with your Twitter update: EXPECTING is my favorite crime & DISAPPOINTMENT is always my punishment. Followed by: Blogging. So I figured you will be posting something about your expectations and whatnot. I was actually looking forward to something about your future career. Didn't see it was all about love. Pambihira. But it caught me even more interested because of the NAGTAHI AKO! Bold and (all) capitalized! On lighter note: I've always been fascinated with girls who know these stuffs. Haha. Just saying. So now, that leave me asking what's the connection between expectations and pagtatahi? Then I read it all the way. After pausing from time to time to shake my head and give silly silent comments, I read it again. Trip ko lang. Haha. I could have just ignore it, move on and continue browsing the net. Kaso, you see, I'm in love with love. And. I can't believe your friend. Haha.

I'll try not to make this long ass. I will! Bear with me. Haha. But please do understand, that I know nothing but what I just read. Third or maybe fourth person view tong pagbibigay ko ng comments!

1. I admire your efforts! Sige. Ikaw na ang sweet. Sige. Ikaw na yun. The thing is, um-effort ka na lang din naman, di mo pa sinagad. Why were you not in his grad anyway? Alam mo, napaka-special ng graduation. Mas special pa sa monthsary, trust me. I don't need to say more. Mas maiintindihan mo yun pag ikaw na yun graduate.

2. You were expecting him na dadaan sya sa inyo to spend time with you. Didn't it occur to you that he could be expecting that you spend time with him. I think that's selfish. Sadly. Nakakapagod talaga ang graduation. Kahit pa most of the time nakaupo lang, emotionally, nakakapagod. Well atleast in my case. Pero tingin ko, siguro sya rin.

3. "Okay lang ako." Pero hindi. Eto ang hindi ko maintindihan. Hindi siguro ako babae.

4. Nagtatampo ka. Dapat ba? My answer? HELL NO. Why would you be. Give the man a break. It's his time. Alam mo, minsan ka lang ga-graduate. Ang monthsary, marami pa yan. If you planned it to be that way, syempre marami pa yan.

5. "Kung ako yun, gegerahin ko yun." *sigh* Okay. She is the perfect example of why you shouldn't trust your friends when it comes to romantic relationships. Gahd, I despise friends who give this crap as advice. Seriously? That's the best she can give?

6. You are waiting for reasons. Reason: Graduation. It's hissss day. You didn't see it, you felt like you're hanging, because you didn't even try to look. Dapat alam mo na na hindi sya makakapunta. Sana ikaw nalang ang nagpunta.

7. Nabalewala ka nanaman. Really? Nanaman? Ibang usapan yun. Pero spare this one. Di nya kasalanang sabay ang monthsary nyo at graduation nya.

8. "Lahat yun napunta lang sa wala." Seriously? I don't believe you. Bakit, di mo na ba sya mahal? Di ka na ba nya mahal? Dahil lang dun? Lahat ng ginagawa natin, may learnings dun. Di pedeng mapunta sa wala. Tandaan mo yun.

9. "Naks, ang bait mo talaga.. And blah blah blah na full of shits.." Gusto kong sakalin yun friend mo! Haha

10. "10 minutes lang.." Nakakalungkot, kasi desperate yun tone ng phrase na yun. Ang nagmamahal, di nagbibilang, di nag-aantay, sana alam mo yan. Bakit hindi ikaw ang gumawa ng 10 minutes. Can't you see, this is your time. Ma-inspire man lang sya because you keep him company, you encourage him, and you love him.

11. (from your reply to the comment:) "sana sinabi nya.." Haha. Bakit ikaw nagsabi ka ba?

Yea, that's right, I'm in love with love. Alam ko masaya ka, at naiinis ako na may mga advices na instead of keeping the love, mas gusto nila ng away. Ako, I go against that. Completely. I've seen relationships failed. I don't have to see more.

Now here's a piece of advice: Why not make everyday special. Para di nyo na kailangan ng monthsary to celebrate. Ako, hindi ako nagce-celebrate ng monthsary. Mas gusto ko random dates. Mas sweet. And you don't have to cry for this. This is nothing compared sa pede nyo pang pagdaanan in the future. Bata pa kayo. Dapat you should focused more on supporting each other's career. Not pressuring each other to have time with each other. You'll have more of this pag senior ka na, working sya. Or working kayo pareho.

And lastly, don't give your relationship extra stress, get rid of useless friends. They are the least you need.

God bless.

Karla Calapatia

The lines, "Dapat you should focused more on supporting each other's career. Not pressuring each other to have time with each other." this hit me alot. I know I am acting so childish again. Again and again. But now, I am okay. I'll apologize to him and let him know what I have learned. Maybe I'm not that mature yet, but learning takes time and is a lifetime process. I have to learn so many things and I have to admit that great learnings are found from one's mistakes. And I can't deny that I have committed a mistake. I have to set aside my ego and learn to apologize. 'Cause hey, I've got another plus point! I'm taking the right track towards maturity. :)

PS: Thank you so much to these 2 lovely ladies. If it's not because of you, I wouldn't find any answers to my dilemma. I love you! :*

DANGER: EXPECTATIONS

Wala talaga ako sa mood ngayon. But since I wanna let my feelings out, please let me blog ng Tag-lish. Malabas ko lang to.

April 10, 2011, Sunday. Nagpunta ako ng Alabang, sa Festival Mall to buy a gift for my boyfriend's graduation. Actually, I already bought one during school days pa sa Manila. I just have to buy something like a wrapper and some stuffs I need to create this first-time-to-make letter as a gift for our monthsary. Yes, April 11 was his graduation day and our 9th monthsary. I was planning to do this cute and witty but so-common letter wherein you'll put it in a bottle. So common, right? :| Haha. But I'm proud of myself because it's my first time to do it and exert some effort. Since it's our 9th month, I bought 8 bottles with same sizes. The ninth bottle is bigger 'cause I will put it inside the box of my grad gift (para special yung 9th month). Inside each bottles, there's a letter corresponding to everything we had per month and yung 9th month yung special. I made them until 4AM! Yes, hindi ako natulog agad kasi kailangan kong mabigay yung gift ko on that special day. Tinatawanan na nga ako ng kapatid ko kasi that was his first time to see me na super busy and super nagtyatyaga para lang dun sa gift na yun. I was excited and nervous at the same time if magugustuhan niya yung gift ko. All in all, There were 2 boxes inside which gave me a difficulty in wrapping. Actually, I bought an already made wrapper, kaso it's quite big kaya I have to adjust it but it's not like just an ordinary wrapper. It's like a cloth or something, so I can't mend it using a stapler or a tape. NAGTAHI AKO! Yes, madaling araw nagtatahi ako. :| Effort diba? Finally, around 4am natapos ko din siya. I kept it inside the cabinet, marami kasing tao sa bahay, baka may makakita :P

April 11, 2011, Monday. His graduation day and OUR day! He greeted me. :) He said he's on his way to SMX which was the venue of their graduation. Me, on the other hand, spent the whole afternoon playing my newly installed Sims 3. He barely text me and it's because he's busy during the celebration. I understand that. Almost 5pm, my hommies and I went outside to discuss our planned reunion. Ang alam ko mga 5pm tapos na yung grad nila. Or if ever mag-extend, mga 7pm siguro. He texted me I think mga 5:30pm na they will take dinner muna. He's with his dad. So I said, okay eatwell etc. Inside, I'm kinda excited 'cause I was expecting na dadaan siya sa bahay after to spend time with me, kahit 10mins lang. (okay na yun. Atleast, I can say na we're together during our monthsary.) It was already 8pm, kakauwi ko lang ng bahay. He texted me that he's on his way home. Feeling excited and nervous. I didn't took dinner kasi medyo busog pa ako and parang wala akong gana. Maybe because it's kinda late na and I have this feeling na hindi magiging maganda yung gabi ko. Mom asked me kung ano daw kinain ko. I just said, "Kumain po kami ng balot kina Jev. Nabusog na po ako." Yuh, a piece of balot made me full. Liar. To kill some time and to avoid too much thinking of what might happen, I turned on my laptop and start making myself busy on facebook and twitter.

It was already 9pm when my phone got a message. It was him. He's home. I was feeling astonished in a way. Mixed emotions. I asked him if nandun yung ate niya, he said yes. (Just blah-ing). Then another blah-ing, I told him na "Okay pahinga ka". But I was expecting him to ask me if he could come here. He asked me what am I doing. I said, "nag-nnet lang. Kaw?" He said, "Eto, nag-aayos na." Me was like :( Meaning, he's getting ready to bed. Meaning, hindi na siya pupunta. 9pm pa lang nun. Kung dati nga pumupunta siya ng 12midnight. Ano ba yung 9pm sa kaniya, especially on that very special day? So ako, medyo disappointed, I answer his text messages in a cold way. And alam niya na may problema kasi he asked me bat ang tamlay ko. And because it is me, I always say, walang problema. OKAY LANG AKO. So me. Pero alam niyang meron kaya he keeps on asking me and telling me na magsabi ako. Dapat alam na niya yun. Diba?

It's time for us to sleep. Sabi ko mauna na siya. Ayoko pang matulog. Still hoping na pupunta siya kahit ganun time kasi tulog na mga tao sa kanila. Ganun naman kasi siya kahit dati pa. He's asking me na what time ba ako matutulog, etc. Siguro pagod siya, he finally said sige matutulog na siya. So goodnight na. So ako, nag-expect na naman sa wala. Before I went to sleep, I texted him. And I quote, "Akala ko magiging masaya tong araw na to kahit pano. Congrats. Goodnight." No I love you, no monthsary greetings. Pinipigilan kong umiyak. Kasi ayaw niya akong umiiyak.

I texted one of my friends, Faydee. I asked her, "Peng, hindi kami nagkita ngayon. 9pm na siya nakauwi. Nagtatampo ako. Haha. Dapat ba? :(" I was quite confused if tama bang magalit or magtampo ako. I know he has reasons. Ayoko rin sanang magalit sa kaniya kasi pre-board niya at ayaw kong ma-distract siya. Pero pano naman ako? :| My friend replied. She said, "Oo naman no. Monthsary niyo eh. Hindi man lang ba siya nagsabi na pupunta siya sa inyo? Kung ako yun, gegerahin ko yun." And there, I cried. I cried alot. I dunno, pero biglang bumigat ng sobra yung dibdib ko. I can't help it. I replied, "Hindi nga rin siya nagsabi na di siya makakapunta eh. So tama lang na magtampo ako?" Honestly, I am kinda expecting na rin na hindi siya makakapunta kasi late na. But what I am waiting for him to say is yung reason bat hindi siya makakapunta. Kaso wala eh. I was left hanging. Crying. My friend replied again, "Of course my friend". Since wala na akong masabi dahil parang ang gusto ko na lang gawin ay umiyak ng umiyak, I just told her na itutulog ko na lang yun and bid goodnight. I cried silently. Masakit. Sobra. Yung feeling na again, nabalewala ka na naman. Lahat ng effort na ginawa mo, yung pagpupuyat mo until 4am dahil gusto mong mabigay yung gift mo sa special day na yun, yung pagod mo para maghanap ng kung ano-anong pwedeng isama sa gift mo, yung time pressure sayo kasi bukas na yung day na yun, yung effort ng pagpunta mo ng Alabang from Cavite para lang dun sa bibilhin mo, lahat yon napunta lang sa wala. Hindi niya naman gustong gawin yun, I know. Ako ang may gustong mag-effort. Pero dahil yun sa ineexpect ko na sa mismong araw na yun, kahit 5mins lang, maaabot ko sa kaniya yung pinaghirapan ko. Alam kong hindi ko siya makakasama ng matagal sa mismong araw na yun, pero kahit 5-10mins, okay na sakin. Mabigay ko lang sa kaniya yun. Kaso wala eh. Then my friend replied again. She said, "Naks, ang bait mo talaga. Pero seryoso, kahit kanino gawin yun sasama talaga ang loob. Lalaki man o babae. Sige, tulog ka na. Text moko bukas." And there, I cried harder. Parang ang sakit tanggapin yung katotohanan na talagang nabalewala ako. Hindi man siguro intentionally, pero nabalewala pa rin ako. Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat kong maramdaman. Baka kasi ang babaw ko or napakasensitive ko lang na tao. This past few days, busy siya kasi nga nagrereview siya, and I understand that. Pero yung kahit 10mins lang na magkita kami on OUR day, hindi naman siguro malaking kawalan sa oras niya yun diba? Masakit kasi kung kelan ako nag-effort na gumawa ng isang bagay just for a guy, yun pa yung napunta sa wala.

Thursday pa ang balik niya. He went back to Mandaluyong kasi pre-board niya. Kaya yung gift niya, ayun, naka-stock sa cabinet ko. Ngayon, I'm trying myself to communicate well with him. Para di siya ma-distract sa pagrereview. Sometimes, I'm putting some smiley's whenever I text him. Pero he knows, I'm not fine. We're not fine.

Maturity in Relationships

• LoveNote. . . To be capable of real love means becoming mature, with realistic expectations of the other person. It means accepting responsibility for our own happiness or unhappiness, and neither expecting the other person to make us happy nor blaming that person for our bad moods and frustrations. ~ John A. Sanford

Maturity, in general, is many things. Maturity in a love relationship is everything! First it is the ability to base a decision about a love relationship on the big picture - the long haul. In general, it means being able to pass up the fun for the moment and select the course of action which will pay off later.

In a love relationship, it means being able to enjoy the instant gratification that comes with the romance of the moment while knowing the best is yet to be and being patient while you watch your love grow. It is knowing that by working together, the state of unconditional love will presence itself in the relationship and will mature with time. It is knowing that you grow into a love relationship. It doesn't happen all at once. Mature love partners seek new ways to help each other grow.

One of the characteristics of infancy is the "I want it now" approach. Grown-up people can wait. And often they don't. Often they allow themselves to slip back into infancy so they can justify rushing into things.

Maturity is the ability to stick with a project or a situation until it is finished. It means doing whatever it takes to make the relationship be one you are proud to be in. The adult who is constantly changing jobs, relationships, and friends, is in a word. . . immature. They cannot stick it out because they have not grown up. Everything seems to turn sour after a while.

• LoveNote. . . For a love relationship to mature, both partners must experience a deep feeling, a tacit belief, that there is something quite special about them which would never have happened had each not contributed to its creation. ~ Larry A. Bugen

Mature love partners have learned not to expect perfection in each other. They know that acceptance has its own reward. Each lover's differences test the other's capacity for acceptance, forgiveness and understanding. They never dance around issues. When necessary, they discuss their imperfections, lovingly, with care not to pass judgment with harmful words. Acceptance and tolerance hold hands in the presence of unconditional love.

Mature lovers -- lovers who love unconditionally -- develop a knack for side- stepping resentment and focusing on the good they see in one another. They have evolved to a higher level of understanding, one that transcends taking notice of the imperfections of the other.

Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness, frustration, discomfort and defeat without complaint or collapse. Mature love partners know they can't have everything their own way. They are able to defer to circumstances, to other people - and to time, when necessary.

Mature love partners permit each other the freedom to pursue their individual interests and friends without restriction. This is when trust presents itself. Mature love allows this level of separateness to bring lovers closer together. In this scenario separateness is perceived as a bond, not a wedge. It encourages love partners to celebrate their own uniqueness.

• LoveNote. . . We can come to realize that mature love equals loving yourself for being what you are, and likewise loving another person for who they are. When we can feel such unconditional no-matter-how-you-act love, we have learned what I call mature love. Mature love allows you fully to be yourself with your loved one. ~ Bruce Fisher, Ed.D.

Maturity is the ability to live up to the responsibilities of a love relationship, and this means being dependable. It means keeping your word; it means living in your relationship like your word really means something. Dependability equates with personal integrity. This means no withholds. It means saying what needs to be said, with love. Do you mean what you say? Do you say what you mean?

The world is filled with people who can't be counted on, people who never seem to come through in the clutches, people who break promises and substitute alibis for performance. They make excuses. They show up late - or not at all. They are confused and disorganized. Their lives are a chaotic maze of unfinished business and uncommitted relationships. Oh, what a tangled web we weave.

• LoveNote. . . Mature love offers us our most profound opportunity for regaining wholeness - not because our partners will fill all of our emptiness, but because we can use the embrace of a loving relationship to nurture ourselves toward greater maturation and ripening. ~ Larry A. Bugen

Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. Immature people spend their lives exploring endless possibilities and then do nothing. Action requires courage. There is no maturity without courage.

Maturity is the ability to harness your abilities and your energies and to do more than is expected in your relationships. The mature person refuses to settle for mediocrity. They would rather aim high and miss the mark than aim low and hit it.

Source: http://www.celebratelove.com/mature.htm

WHAT'S IN YOUR NAME?

I was surfing the facebook earlier this morning when something caught my eye, it was a note from my seatmate/blockmate, Erika Rodica. It was a note about the meaning of her name. Since I wanted to kill some time, I tried this link and was amazed because most of the results do match my personality.

CHARMIE ANNE-You are a quick study, and can be self-taught. Your curiosity can get the best of you, but you must learn to concentrate. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You are always involved with projects and things to do. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You take pleasure in your creative comforts. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. You are adventurous with a tendency to be foolhardy. You are aggressive and definitely have leadership abilities. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood.

CHICO-You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You are clever, inventive, imaginative and youthful. You enjoy socializing. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength.

QUINO-You are easily excitable, optimistic and idealistic. You are never at a loss for what to do, what to say, and you are always going. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You can go to extremes in all you do. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You tend to be private and secretive.

My 3rd Year Second Semester Grades!

Finally! After waiting for a few hours because of that epic MyUSTe site, I have my grades now! Yes and I am definitely relieved of how my grades turned out. Thanks to my block mate Kaye Pe, I was able to see my grades. To those who are asking why, it is because our grades are being shown online from the student’s portal courtesy of our very own university (yeah, UST really got a high quality services). But because of this certain date of showing the grades, students are logging on to the site simultaneously which tends for the server to break down (which actually happens all the time. K ) Only few students are able to access because I think only few have the patience to keep on pressing the refresh button. Lol. Unlucky me, I couldn’t go through the site no matter how many times I try to refresh the site. And since Kaye can access easily, I asked her if she could open my account and copy my grades. Generous her, she said yes :D

And there you go, my grades. So far, I got two 2.0. Thanks to Sales and Services :/ There’s no semestral ave yet, but I have computed it and it’s 1.53. I added it to my last sem’s ave which was 1.4 (not yet sure with the second digit) and I got 1.4 something! Yeah baby, still a Dean’s Lister! So happy for still making my parents proud :D One more year!!

Taken or Single?

Alright! Since I want to write something yet can’t think of anything to say, I decided to divulge my insights about being single and being taken. After a few minutes of thinking what topic exactly I would like to thrash out, I’ve searched (thanks to Google :P) some outlooks regarding the topic from my fellow bloggers. And these I found:

Being single definitely has its advantages. There's more freedom, less responsibility, and no one to keep tabs on you. Conversely, there are some things I absolutely hate about being single.

Let’s start with the hate:

1. Not having a guaranteed "activity buddy." If you're single and you want to go out to dinner you've got to find someone to go with. Sure, you can invite friends or other couples but they may not be available. When you're in a relationship this isn't a big deal, your partner tends to become the default option.

2. Playing the "do you like me?" game. I try to be as direct as possible when expressing how I feel about others, but unfortunately not everyone takes this approach. I can handle someone rushing commitment and being very up-front about wanting to date me, and I can also handle someone not returning my calls or telling me they're just not interested. What I cannot handle, however, is someone sending mixed messages and being generally unclear with where a relationship is heading. It's frustrating and misinterpreting someone's intentions can be very embarrassing.

3. You don't have someone to come home to

4. Dating is expensive

5. The chaotic ups and downs. Being single you're subject to a much wider range of emotional stress that can be both exciting and horrible. One day you're basking in the euphoria of meeting someone new and the next you're dealing with the staggering blow of rejection.

And now the things I love about being single:

1. Freedom! Stay out as late as you like, answer to no one, and your only commitment is to debauchery and perhaps a hangover.

2. There's more time to get yourself better. Whether due to necessity or convenience, single people tend to exercise more and generally take better care of themselves.

3. If you're capable of being alone (and you aren't the type of person that has been jumping from one relationship to the next your whole life), you'll find that over time you can fine-tune exactly who you're looking for and you'll only commit to someone who is truly exceptional. In other words, you lose the tendency to settle and develop a better sense of what you want.

4. There's more time for hobbies and personal interests

5. If you're a workaholic this affords you to the perfect opportunity to embrace your addiction (*cough* so about working those 18 hour days as a blogger, entrepreneur, web developer, and CTO of a marketing firm...)

6. Dating is different than it used to be and with the rise of the interwebs pretty much anyone can find a date nowadays.

These are true. When you are single, you have more time, more freedom. You can flirt guys, you can party all night, less heartbreaks, less expenses and less expectations.

So being in a relationship, I could find some advantages and disadvantages. However, subcategorizing it is very subjective so whatever I may write here is definitely based on my own opinion.

I’m not encouraging more teens to get into a relationship because of all the ‘good times’ you might experience. I hope you understand that personally I think that a relationship should not be for fun and should be treated seriously. A relationship is not just connecting on a physical level, which would just be meaningless and won’t last long. Yes-yes, to a certain point it is and that emotionally and physically feelings should be balanced. But when you and your partner come to a point when after just liking each other you begin to feel and care for each other that you can never do for anyone else, than will you understand just how much that person means to you. A feeling like that can never be replaced by just physical looks or anything else like that.

For me, being in a relationship takes some courage and above all, COMMITMENT. You see, people these days are moving so fast with their daily lives wherein even relationships with other people tend to become so hasty too. People, especially teens are so fan of having and changing boyfriends/girlfriends in just like months or sometimes, weeks; which shouldn’t be that way. But as they say, “Behind a bitch is an asshole that made her that way.” Maybe, some people are too vigilant of being heartbroken that is why they tend to play it safe. Some maybe has this experience from their past and that they don’t want to experience it again. But just like what I said, being in a relationship takes some courage and commitment. You have to take the risk of being in love and being hurt. Because if it doesn’t break your heart, it isn’t love. So what’s the point of being in a relationship if you don’t love your partner? Just for fun? Just for experience? For sex? For popularity? Or for social statement that “Hey, I’m not a geek! I got a girlfriend/boyfriend!”? That’s hilarious!

I, myself, admit that I’ve played games before, played someone’s feelings and played safe. But I have never been into a relationship wherein I am not serious. Before, I got lots of flings and that is because I am single. But whenever I feel like I wanna be in a relationship, I want myself to be at its best. I wanna be serious and very committed to my partner. When I am in a relationship, I stop fooling around and flirting other guys. And this is because, relationships should work like this.

Okay, stop. Ask me what are the best things of being in a relationship J I’ll tell you what. The "kulitan" moments, when you have nothing else to do, but don't feel bored at all because you're together; watching a romantic movie with a boyfriend rather than a girl-friend, and then dissecting the de/merits of the movie afterwards; having another insight into the different ways men and women see and understand things; having someone to shower affection to; the laughter; the petty arguments, and the making-up afterwards (I really love this part); the feeling of being loved; having someone to call my own and vice versa and most of all, having those meaningful conversations that only the two of you can understand because of the special code-speak that you share.

Though of course, one of the disadvantages would be the heartbreaks, the risk of being cheated and stuffs. But unless you are truly in love with that person and that person genuinely loves you back, those disadvantages would be nothing because of that feeling of being so fulfilled and being the “everything” of another person.