Just One of the Girls

Why is it hard to resist you? Why can’t I hold myself back whenever you’re there, whenever you start talking to me? We both agreed that this is just a game, a no strings attached thingy. But seriously, why am I feeling upset of accepting that silly fact?

I shouldn’t let myself in this kind of situation. I should not let my walls down. I shouldn’t let you enter my life. I shouldn’t have done stupid things just for your sake, well for me actually ‘cause you don’t care. Mindless it is, for just a few weeks of talking to you and seeing you, you became someone to me, someone “special”.

I just want some consistencies. But of course, you can’t give that. Who am I anyway? Who am I for you? I’m just some girl you’re trying to flirt with. I’m just one of the girls. Nothing special. You know that, we both know that. What do I want? I don’t know. But if you’ll ask me, I will answer “You”. Yes, I want you. I want you so bad. But I can’t and I don’t have the right. Why did I let myself become attached to someone who just wants some game? Our everyday conversation, our goodmorning’s and goodnight’s, surely I’ll miss that. I’ll miss you. I can’t say that we need to stop, because we never started. Stupid me. Guess I’ll never learn to play the game better than you can. I thought I could, but I was weak. So I give up.