Music is Ecstasy

recently i've been so high listening to songs i love. it's like a drug to me. seriously. i can't stand any second without listening to music. even when i am taking my lunch or dinner, i always have my earphones on my ears. isn't it hilarious? haha. music is ecstasy. that's a fact. well, as for the songs i've been listening... they're mostly rnb/pop genres. most played songs? one time by justin bieber and wait for you forever by mishon. trust me. they're awesome! it's highly recommended. go check it out :) justin bieber is just a 15 year old kid. so you should expect his little voice. but it doesn't matter. the song was still perfect.

yesterday, i've been on the church. we do our mass every saturday and not sunday. but hella way, i'm still a Catholic. supposedly, we will be attending some concert. obviously, we're gonna sing there. unfortunately, our parish priest didn't allowed us to go there because there's a mass and it's a high mass due to Santa Cruzan (it's one of the Philippine cultures where there are queens and everything. girls should wear gowns and barong tagalog for guys. then they will do this parade thing. ) everything's went fine except for some raindrops. so it's a bit messed up. okay, back to the mass... it went fine. and i've heard lots of positive comments with my attire because i'm the one who sang on the altar. it's called salmo. cool, eh?

anyway, i'm in a bit complicated situation. blame it on school :) haha. i chose football for my pe subject. not cool right? i dont know how to play that but because my classmates and i already planned that. unfortunately, during enrolment, i went first and took football. when it was their turn for the encoding of pe subject, there were no more slots for football so they took basketball. good for them, too bad for me. :( what am i supposed to do now? i took football because of them and now i'll be playing football on my own. no not really on my own. of course there are other students. i mean, i have no friends there. :( i can make friends there but it's way way different when you are playing with someone you already knew. i hope i could find some solutions with that. i am hoping that they could let me change my pe subject. so that i could choose basketball too. actually, that's my second choice. err. if only i knew, i should have chosen it.

uhmm, about personal thing.. well, i should say there's someone who always put a smile on my face :D no he's not my boyfriend okay. and the thing is, he always pops in my mind whenever i'm listening to music. awkward aye? but i don't wanna rush things nor misinterpret our closeness. i shouldn't take advantage with that, right? what if i am expecting it wrong? then, i'll be the loser in the end. so i'll be just chillin' here in one corner and wait what will happen in the future. besides, i think he has someone special too. so, all the best to them. no. there's no sarcasm there okay? lol.

charm,

Another School Year

i haven't got the time to write some blog recently because of school. okay, i'm starting to blame school now for being busy. no, i'm not into school right now. i'm still on my vacation but it's almost over. so sad. June 9 will be the hell day for me. lol. and i always feel the same way whenever school is about to start, a feeling of excitement, nervousness and sadness.

why excitement? it's because i will have my allowance! :) yey. no i'm not kidding. it's a great factor why i always wanted to go to school. lol. you could consider it as my inspiration. haha. another thing is that, i can meet new people. you know, new blockmates, new fuck*ng professors and a lot more. and also, i am getting excited for school activities like Thomasian Walk for freshmen. well, in that event, freshmen will do this parade thing then, a mass (of course we're a Catholic community) then, a concert in the evening where popular bands will be present. yeah, it's actually for freshmen but so what? we could still watch it. ohoho, now i missed being a freshman. it's like, people treats you so special because you're still a freshman. :( but hey, being a sophomore student is kinda exciting too, right? well, i hope so. i hope i won't be messed up by professors. lol and i think being sophomore gives you a lot of opportunities. i'm talking here about exploring new things. i could learn how to travel all by myself, decide for myself and other things that i haven't yet tried. i hope i won't get lost when i try to go to places i've never been before. :) and i also hope i won't be able to meet bad guys out there. sometimes, it really freaks me out living in a city. don't get me wrong.. i love it too. okay i'm lost now. enough of that. there's also the Paskuhan event in our school during Christmas, those College's weeks and a lot more. exciting huh? :)

talking about nervousness.. i can't say that i am totally relaxed knowing that i will meet new professors again. new freaking hard lessons, difficult homeworks, breath-taking examinations, and other things that has only one goal for students..TO GIVE HEADACHE. lol. i'm getting nervous because i would be dealing again with new people. yesterday, i just received a news from one of my blockmates that there are changes in our blocks and that our previous section had been dissolved. so it's like.. omg! what happened? what section am i in now? am i with some of my previous blockmates? does our professor really hates our section that's why she dissolved our class?i was really shocked. last school year, i belong to 1-Iam section. this section is the bomb! people here are awesome and i'll never forget them no matter what. but it sucks knowing that i was moved to 2-Gam section. but thank God i am not alone. i am with some of my previous blockmates and majority there are my previous blockmates. so, fun fun fun :) however, there will be some new people on our class. but i hope, being friends with them will turn out good. and because of this happening, sadness entered the scene. i will really miss this class. i know we're not in high school anymore and that being shuffled was like a normal thing to us. but because of the thought that we're in a block section, we never thought that we will be shuffled except for those who have failed and those who transferred. it's a relief to know that we will be able to meet new friends but still, 1Iam batch 2008-09 will be the best forever.

oh, the picture above was just a random picture i took from net. yeah, that's our school but only the main building. if you want to see more pictures of our school, you could google it. just type University of Santo Tomas. hope you will like our university.

i also forgot to mention that i have been in my enrolment earlier. it was really tiring and my foot really ached. if you could try walking back and forth within our school grounds, waiting in a very long line for the new uniforms while wearing heels, you'll know what i am talking about. lol

alright, i'll stop here. i need to update my other sites.
nyt
charm,

what if?

this morning, i received an email from my dad. just some random conversation then he asked me if my scholarship gives me a lot of burden. he said that he feels great because i have a free tuition fee but he doesn't want me to be tortured nor feel so pressured about it. he also said that he knows that i could do well in school and that he always believes in me since i was nursery.

honestly, i am being pressured because of my scholarship and the expectations of people around me. i can't say that i could really maintain it until the end. but i am doing my best to maintain it. thank god i was able to maintain it within two semesters. and i am praying to maintain it until i graduated. hopefully :] cross your fingers.. about the expectation thing... well, i'm kinda used to it. but sometimes i can't stand it. i'm used with my parents' expectations. high grades, good career path, being a responsible and a good daughter. sometimes, i made mistakes towards my parents. but hey, i'm only 17. don't expect me to do great things in a very young age. make sense? :] about the expectations of people around me, sometimes i can't stand it. why? put it this way... since i was elementary, i am very close to my guy friends. when i turned highschool, i became closer to them and gain more guy friends because i was once a member of a dance troupe. i wear shorts because i used to play volleyball and wearing those "short" shorts makes me feel more comfortable. i wear makeups because i am a typical teenager. i hang out with my friends, again, because i'm just a typical teenager and guess what?PEOPLE MISINTERPRET THAT. they are expecting to much from me because they knew me as a good girl, as a consistent honor-student. sometimes i wanna yell at them and tell them to shut their mouth because they don't know me and they're not helping me. wish i could do. why not? because they expect me to behave what girls should behave.

then i just wondered... what if i'm not a consistent honor-student? what if i didn't show politeness and good-girl appearance from the start? what if i don't have a scholarship to maintain? what if i'm so lazy that i don't even bother to open one book? what if i spend my money to satisfy my pleasures? what if i'm like those other students who don't go to school instead, go to malls, bar hoppings, drink with their friends and other stuffs teenagers usually do? what if i don't care if i fail many subjects? what if i date numbers of different boys, play around them and cheat them? what if i do vices? what if i don't have goals in life and all i wanna do is to lay in bed and have some fun?

what if that's me? will people stop expecting too much from me? will people shut their mouth and don't care of what the hell i am doing? will they stop judging me because THAT'S ME from the start? will they stop because they knew all along that i will end up being a failure because i am a failure from the start?

this ain't a fairytale

i know letting go of someone you love is very hard. every second without him tears your heart apart. i will not be his princess anymore. i'm letting him go. not because i don't love him anymore but because i know it'll never work out. we're in a very complicated situation and i know that we will both find it hard. i know he'll be fine without me. he should be. he will always be my Romeo no matter what. but i'm not expecting that i will be his princess forever.
i already said goodbye to him early this morning. i told him i can't be his princess anymore. i gave him a song. it's White Horse by Taylor Swift. it's like a continuation of a song Love Story also by Taylor Swift which was his song to me. i'm trying to play it in guitar so i could give it to him like what he did before. even though i let him go, i'm still keeping his song on my phone and keeps on listening to it whenever i go to sleep and misses him. i know i can't get over him because of what i am doing but this is the only way for me to be happy.
now i am asking myself, i did the right thing right? it's for our own good. i should accept it and move on. i should have known.. i'm not a princess and this ain't a fairytale. i should forget my prince and live with reality. i've never loved anyone like this before that i have to let go of my own happiness.

sorry if there are some wrong grammars. i just can't write well.
charm,

That's Rubbish!

last night my uncle from Abu Dhabi called me on the phone. yeah, we're really that close. he's a seaman too like my dad and has a really high position. we just talked about stuffs, the pasalubong i want and about his love life. it's a bit complicated so i don't wanna elaborate on that.

on our dinner last night, my mom and i were discussing about some issues. she asked me what did my uncle said then talk talk talk. then i asked her, when guys cheat, why do people find it normal but when the girls were the one who cheated it's like the whole world will react? my mom answered me with an "please-explain-further" answer. it's awkward. she said, "kasi... iba ang tingin ng tao kapag babae ang nagloko. di katulad sa lalaki, walang mawawala kasi lalaki sila."

what was that?? just because they are guys it's normal for them to cheat while the girls can't cheat because they are girls? that's rubbish! i can't find the logic. if it's bad for the eyes of the people to see a girl cheating on someone, then i think the guys should have the same treatment too. it seems unfair. and can anyone give me a convincing answer about the difference of a guy cheating his partner and a girl cheating her partner? tell me why do they have different treatments and perceptions from other people?

"walang mawawala sa lalaki pag nagloko siya unlike sa babae"... i agree with this if there's sex involve. but i'm not talking about sex. it's merely cheating. put it this way, a guy who is also a cheater saw his girlfriend dating another guy. it's purely dating and no sex involve. why still people judge that girl? let's say she's just doing the same thing like her boyfriend. it's a matter of pride. maybe she wants her boyfriend to know how it feels being cheated, right?

i'm not saying that it's okay for me to cheat or to be cheated. of course, i don't like that. i don't like jerks and bitches. i just find it unfair judging a girl who only wants her partner to realize what does it feels to be cheated. i'm not talking about those girls who are.. you know.. real bitch. i'm talking about those girls who really love their partners yet they are being cheated and they are just hoping for some changes in their relationship.

just like the saying goes... "if you can't beat them, join them." lol. just kiddin'. but it's related right? if you can't change your partner, why not do the same thing? maybe, that way, he will realize something and then change. some thing like that. the intentions are right though the executions are a little... bitchy. haha.

don't get me wrong. it's not based on my experience. someone's experience, not mine. haha. random huh.

i'll stop here. i'm gonna have to continue a drama series i'm watching on net. i just thought of writing something about that when i went to shower. any reactions will be welcomed.. but my opinions won't change.

charm,

Lame is the Word

i wasn't able to post a blog for two days and i am glad i'm writing now :) anyway, this picture was taken the day before yesterday. as you can see it's a name of a resort so most likely... yeah, we're out for a swimming. like what i've mentioned in my last blog, i'm with my family and neighborhood. so no chance to watch the two David's concert.
well, i did enjoyed swimming except for the place. why? it was so lame. idk. i just find it lame. yeah, the pools were cool because of the natural hotspring, there were gigantic slides. but i still find it lame. don't get me wrong. i find it cool when they gave us a coupon for 20% discount for our next visit. but still, i find it lame. lol, how many times did i already said that? haha. we left our house by 5pm and we arrived there by 8pm i guess. yeah, there was traffic so the travel was not that cool. then swim, swim, swim. then we got home by 5am. haha. and it's like.. omg, i really miss my bed. and when i kicked my ass off to bed it's like... wow, life is so awesome! lol. just kiddin' and sorry for the use of the words.
anyway, happenings yesterday was also lame. haha. i wasn't able to go online because i watched a singing and dance competition. the event was disgusting because of technical problems. and it's like, omg.. they're not organized. actually, i went there to watch the dance contest. unfortunately, i wasn't able because it started by 6pm and i went there by 8:30pm. haha, so stupid. i thought the event will start by 7pm. not knowing that 7pm will be the start of the singing contest. and i thought the dance competition will be done later after the singing thing. okay, enough with that. i'm loser for not getting the chance to watch it. haha.
however, the singing contest was a bit interesting i guess.there were some contestants who made me laughed out of my lungs though some gave me headache. lol. i'm not bragging okay. i sing but not that good. but i know if a singer sings well or not. i really wanna go home that night but it was already past 11pm and i can't go home alone. my mom won't let me so i have to finish the whole event and listen with some freakin' voices. haha. kiddin'. i wanted to get home early so i could go online and post a blog. but i couldn't so yeah. that's why i'm writing all of them right now.

so i think i'll stop right here. nothing much more to say.
charm,

Moment of Reconciliation

everything seems getting better now compare to yesterday. my mom and i were already talking to each other though, there's a little bit of you know, hatred. i don't know if that's the exact word for that. maybe a little bad feelings, some thing like that. everything's getting okay now with my relationships to others.
earlier, i went to the church to have a practice. just so you know i am a member of a church choir. we will sing in a mass later so i have to attend the practice. we usually do our practice every Saturday before the mass. yeah, we do our mass in our village every saturday but fyi, we are Catholic. lol. there's just a special mass later and we have to sing there. so much to do for me coz i'll be singing in the altar. it's called "salmo" where you share the readings through singing. all the best for me i think coz i just came back from flu and i still have a bit cough. maybe i could sing but not that good, but i hope not.
just finished watching David Cook in a show. His eyes are adorable, really. but i don't regret when i said he's arrogant. i still think he is. maybe in some cases. everyone has a bad and good side right? anyway, i'm still wishing that somehow there will be someone who will knock on our door and talk to me saying that he wants to give me a ticket of David Archuleta and David Cook's concert. hoho. if it wasn't obvious, i badly want to go there. yes, i want it badly unfortunately, i can't. oh i wish i have the urge to do so. tomorrow will be the day of the concert. i don't know if i will force my mom to give me money so i could go to the concert.. oh and as if i could do that, now that we're on some.. fight? or i'll just go with my family and neighborhood to have some swimming in laguna. it's a night swimming. yeah, that's kinda hard for me. i know my mom won't allow me to watch the concert. she will prefer me to go with them than give me money to watch a concert alone. so i think that's my cue. i can't go. :[

i just got home from the church. everything's went fine. my cough didn't cause anything while i was singing. though there were some technical problems back there. the microphone had a problem so the priest approached me and gave his microphone. isn't that sweet? lol just kidding. then we sing sing sing and sing... so after the mass we had this picture taking with the priest. don't get me wrong i love photography. go to my sites and you'll see what i am talking about. haha. then when i went out from the church.. there was i think 3 guys standing. i know him though i can't remember their name. i asked my mom when is the contest because there is a singing and dance contest and what i know is that it will be held later. so yeah, my mom and i are really okay now. haha. anyway, she asked the 3 guys. then they told us that it will be on Sunday. i was just curious and not interested in joining contests anymore. then they asked me to join because i have a great voice. haha. if you're going to ask me.. i would also say NO. i'm done joining contests. okay so much for me to say. dinner's ready now. have a goodnight :]

charm

nothing seems right

i know i already posted a blog earlier but i couldn't help it. i must let this emotions out. besides, this is the purpose of my blog... sorry if it's way emotional. you don't have to relate with my blog or something. but if you do, well we're on the same boat. welcome aboard :|

i feel so alone tonight. i don't know. i wanna cry but i don't want people to see me. i dont know how i could spill these emotions without people seeing and knowing it. i don't know whom i am going to turn to. to let know my problem. i don't know whom i could lean on. i know i need comfort but i don't know where to get it. i am all alone here in my room and my laptop seems to be the only thing that could help me. some thing that could understand me without saying any comment about how stupid i am. i feel like the whole world, all people turned their back on me. i feel like they don't love me anymore. i'm feeling worthless and i'm feeling so disappointed to those people who i used to treat right but left me alone tonight. saying nothing... looks like people don't know i exist. looks like the only world i fit in is my room with my friends.. laptop, cellphones, bed, pillows, everything inside my room. and the only thing i could do.. is to lay down in bed, listen to music and pity myself. honestly, i dont like pitying. who likes it anyway? but what can i do? this is what i am feeling. and it looks like this is the only right thing to do. why? because i'm nothing. no one cares about me. i'm not existing. though i am only existing in my own world. i don't think i need someone either. happenings recently did this to me not only because of one person but because of me being so stupid. i don't know what i want. i don't know what i need. love? maybe.. maybe not. friends? i have so many of them but still... there's nothing happening. money? fame? a big no. maybe being alone will do. i want to be alone. yeah, that's for sure. i want to figure things out. the reason why i am feeling these emptiness. the reason why i can't be happy. the reason why... i am crying right now. think? i can't even think right. i don't know what's happening with me. i don't know if it's just psychologically or what.. all i know right now is that i am all alone and nothing seems right with me.

am i the worst daughter?

i don't feel very lucky today. :( my mom and i just argue. why? for some reason. have you ever feel like you're the worst person for making your mother so upset with you just because of telling her what you feel? i know she's my mother but for God's sake! i have the right to tell her that i don't like what she's been doing lately. i am her daughter. she has to be sensitive if i like her actions or not.
now what? i made her cry. she told me that she's been observing me all the time because i'm not treating her right recently. she feels like she's been treated just like my sister and not a mother. okay, maybe i was wrong for talking to her in not a nice way but if i didn't do it.. she won't realize her mistake. and now she's ignoring me. the hell! of course i care about that and i feel sorry for her. but i don't regret what i said to her. don't get me wrong.. i love my mother. may be i just have to wait till her anger hoops down.

anyway, i've been watching David Archuleta on television. he will have his concert here on saturday with David Cook. i really wanna go there but i think i can't :( it's very frustrating on my part because i'm a very huge fan of David A. I always watch American Idol during his season. and now that he's here i can't see him? very frustrating, isn't that?

oh btw, i can read his post in twitter. i've been asking him some questions and i hope he will reply. if he does, my day won't go that bad.

i'm watching volleyball game here. can't think of anything to do and it's so hot here. maybe i'll stop here.


charm,

if this isn't love..

nothing so special with this day. actually i'm thinking of not writing a blog today. i dont know why i ended up writing. lol.

just like an ordinary day. sitting in front of my laptop, chatting, downloading, watching movies and listening to music. omg, i hate boredom. it's killing me. i can't think of anything to do except watch movies and play guitar. i don't wanna sleep. i don't want to gain weight. haha.

i've been listening to jennifer hudson's song for like an hour. lol. it keeps on playing because i love it. and if it isn't obvious, yeah.. it's on a repeat mode. lol i just love the song. the song itself and not the meaning. i dont really get the meaning of the song. there's no deep sense. okay, enough with that.

oh btw, david archuleta's arrival makes me more excited. haha. i totally love him. when i saw his arrival on tv it's like.. omg! and then when he talked... it's like.. dammit! he's so gorgeous and very nice! how come he's so gorgeous and so nice. on the other hand, david cook's arrival is so boring! i think he's so arrogant. i know he won as american idol but duh? he doesn't deserve it. i mean, david archuleta sings way better than him. besides, after he won.. he hasn't got any beautiful songs compare to david archuleta who has this songs that top the charts. besides, "always be my baby" was the only good song he sung which was just a revival. if it wasn't because of the people of america.. cook won't won. even simon loves archuleta. okay, i dont really hate cook. i just think archuleta's better than him. and not because he's cute or what. he just simply sings better than cook. im sorry for cook's fans. haha.

i think i'll end it here. bye.
charm,