Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Trust is the Issue Here.

is there a requirement for you to have REAL best friend?for you to give your 100% trust to a person? does being a reserved person is some kinda a bad thing to others? i woke up this morning with those thoughts in my mind. i woke up around 10am. well, that's because i stayed up late last night. i think i slept around 3am because i was watching an anime i just downloaded in my laptop. it's called Skip Beat and i totally love it. well, yeah. i think it's a good excuse though.

anyway, those things just popped inside my head earlier this morning. i just felt a bit of sadness and i don't know why. honestly, when i saw people who are real best friends, i envy them. i envy them because they have someone who could tell their whole secrets, someone who could call and sleep over in their house whenever they are bored or have problems, someone who could go shopping with them. i HAVE best friends but just for the sake of having a best friend. not that i am just using them and not really care for them, i consider them as my best friends because they are the closest persons to me aside from my family. but even though i treat them as my best friends, why can't i put my 100% or at least 90% of my trust to them. i share some secrets with them but not as the same as others who really trust their best friends and tell the whole story. i am not tryin' to be reserved but i really don't know how to trust people. maybe i was just taught while growing up to be more critical to people and not to trust easily. but i think i have gone so far that i can't even trust a person wholeheartedly even though i know deep down myself that they are trustworthy. i don't know, maybe i am just scared of depending so much to that person and hurt myself in the end. even in relationship, i don't fully trust my partner. there are still doubts inside of me and i just hide it. that's why i really don't believe that if you really love a person, you will trust him. or maybe, i am not just really in love. maybe that's not a real love.

maybe i am just a reserved person. and just because it's me who only knows the truth, sometimes i end up lying. but sometimes, it's like an advantage for me. i can solve the problem easily and i can lie because i'm the only one who knows the truth. i could easily make up excuses. but that's really frustrating because i am hindered to tell the truth because of my very self. i am more encouraged to lie because i knowthat everyone will believe me.

but then, when i have problems and i need someone to talk to, i can't seem to find someone to fit with my "standards". i ended up hiding it with myself because i can't find someone whom i could trust fully and tell what i am feeling inside. many times when i am down, i just save it for myself and think about how to solve it, without any help or advice from others. and when i am ready to spill it out, i look like there's no problem within me when i face people. i'm like the strong one. even though i already encountered this problem, people seem to find me courageous because it doesn't look like i am affected at all. and that's easy for me to show something differs from what is real because i am the only one who knows my true feelings. no one knows, even my closest friends.

Monday, September 28, 2009


hey there! wait, it's like almost a month since my last post, am i right? lol. well, many events happened recently. actually some of them were calamities and it really sucks. yeah, it does! imagine, sleeping without electricity, good food, phone and laptop battery?? it's like hell! yeah, i'm telling you, do not dare to experience it.

last week, we had our commerce week and it was totally fun! the costumes were awesome and i really can't believe that those freshmen were very creative. we had this theme, mtv stuffs. we should wear costumes that would portray our selected music video. we ran out late, so we have no choice but to wear army stuffs. it was based on the video "simulan mo na" by pedicab if i'm not mistaken. but the thing here was, those other sections were like very creative especially the freshmen! one of the sections portrayed "Hot and Cold" by Katy Perry and they're like very good! the girls were wearing wedding gowns and and the guys wore suits. two humbs up for them! and there was this guy with his very fabulous car, he portrayed Flo Rida! haha, imagine that :)) and you know what? i saw a car during the parade and i promise that that would be my dream car! it colors red and a top-down thing and it really looks fabulous! for sure, it has a rich owner. i wonder if i will be able to have that one too.

anyway, Philippines is in a state of calamity because of the typhoon Ondoy. i think dead bodies were now more than a hundred. so i hope that my loved ones and also others would be safe. i can't forget our experience in our dormitory. last saturday, our class was dismissed by 10am because of the heavy rain. i was able to get back to our dormitory but it was hella difficult because the rain was getting heavier and that there were "small" floods. on our dormitory, i was getting ready to go back home but because of the heavy rain i decided to let it hoop out first. unfortunately, it didn't! instead, it gets a lot heavier. so i then decided not to go home that day. i was watching some movie in my laptop to kill some time then the power just went out! that really sucks! so turned off my laptop and waited for the electicity to come back, but still no power present :( until it gets dark, there's still no power. thank God some of my friends in the other room were there so i was not alone. and my roommate' classmates were there because they were also stranded. you see, the flood was almost deep waist so you can't dare walk through it. you'll die! lol. so they slept in our room. it looked like an evacuation center. haha. then there's still no power the next day. it really sucks.

earlier, when i was on my way home, i was riding in a bus then suddenly the bus just bumped into another car! obviously, there's an accident. i was really shocked because i was sitting just behind the driver and the bumped thing occured near me. i was in total shock and i don't know what to do. thank God i came back home alive! lol

maybe the thing i will be thankful of is that our classes were suspended until Wednesday. so, that would be a much long vacation.

okay, i thing i'm outta here. i want to say so many things and in detailed but i don't think i'm in the right mood right now. so gotta say goodbye and goodnight for awhile :)