Saturday, June 20, 2009

New New New...

it feels like ages since my last post here. i've been very busy lately and i am sure you already know what i mean. yeah, school, school, school. hell school! i love goin' to school except for those very difficult lessons. who doesn't anyway? though it's challenging and it really made me study harder. but it still sucks. lol :)

anyway, there are lots of changes this semester. new facilities. yeah, our school has been renovated.. well, just a little bit. new professors, who cares? and new blockmates. yeah, our previous section was dissolved and now me and some of my previous classmates are in one section with other section. get it? it feels awkward because it's like you're back to zero again. like, you're a freshman again. you'll do some adjustments again, not only to your professors and subjects but also to your new blockmates. of course i know that i am not in high school anymore and i know that you'll surely tell me that i have to widen my world. of course i know that, but it's, you know, hard. especially when you were already used to your previous classmates. you already know them, you know some of their secrets, you know how to act in front of them, you know who's the mathematician in class, you know who loves science, you just simply know all of them. and you don't care if you commit mistakes in front of them. why? because you already treating each others as family, as brothers and sisters. and then just like that, you all have separated ways. of course yes, someday or yeah, for sure that day will come where you will be all separated from each other. not all of you will pass or will graduate, not all of you will take up same majors. it's just really frustrating that they are not my blockmates anymore. and the thing is, in our current section, we are not the dominating one. but the other section. see how difficult? they already know each other, and us? we're just like irregular students. we need to adjust again and again. honestly, it feels awkward when you have to recite in front of them. it's like, oh my god! they are all staring at me. and then you'll get nervous because what if you answer the question wrong? it's really embarassing. unlike if you are in your previous section, commiting mistake is not that embarassing at all. i know, i know.. i can't complain anymore. i just have to do my thing.

now, i have my Calculus subject and it really... sucks! i just don't like it and it's like i am totally blank when it comes to Calculus. i don't know. it's not because i hate math. i love math, well, some math. i prefer problem solvings than doin' that algebra stuffs. solving algebraic expressions, finding the area of that figure, finding the domain and the range.. and hell stuffs! then i began to wonder.. why do i have to study this? yeah, maybe someday i might find it helpful or atleast i have an idea what Calculus is when someone asked me. but, let's just be practical. i am taking a business course and not engineering, not architecture, not education major in math or whatever. why why why?? i should be studying math like investments, or computations in economics or anything that is related to business. do i have to find what is the value of x or y when i work in a company while doin' some marketing strategy? do i have to find the circumference of a circle in planning to improve my sales?? c'mon! they are just purely extras! if i am studying Statistics right now i could consider it but Calculus?? god! but don' get me wrong. i am not goin' to drop that subject nor just let myself have a passing grade. i am going to study hard if that's the only solution for me to survive in that subject.

then i have this Economics professor. and he's really amazing. he's incredibly funny and senseful. he's an excellent professor though sometimes i become nervous all the time he's beginning to ask questions. he will call you and you'll be just surprised. but hella way, i love him. okay, not that intimate one. but because he is good. actually he's not the one we met during the first day of class. there was a switching thing happened. and he asked us who's going to take Economics as a major in our class and no one answered nor raised our hands. all of us are planning to take Marketing Management or Financial Management. and he assured us that eventually, we're gonna change our mind. why? because he promised us that we will love Economics in the end. i don't know if it will happen to me.. but as he said that, i am having a little doubt now. looks like i am beginning to like it but i am not yet sure if it will be my desired occupation in the future.

and i just want to tell you that we already moved to our new dormitory. i mean, all of us! lol. why? the owner of our previous dorm has a problem with the electricity thing. imagine, first day of class we don't have electricity. for God sake! we're students and how could we study if there's no electricity?? they said it will be fix on Friday! wtf? we need the electricity as soon as possible. so we decided to move. we're lucky there's a new dormitory just near the previous one and there are still no occupants. so lucky us! :) the dorm is really good. it has good facilities and the owner is really kind and friendly. then the previous owner was like, texting us to go back there. honestly, we can't leave that dormitory. that's my first dormitory and it feels home to me. we just got no choice. so we couldn't go back there anymore. it's very stressful to move your things from one house to another! lol

alright, i think i've said too much. maybe i could write here again next week. that's awful! and you know why. let's just see what will happen next week and pray for me.

and just a little side note.. on wednesday we don't have our class because it's Manila DAy so.. fun fun fun! and my dormates are planning to go to Enchanted Kingdom with our new dormitory owner. and also, happy father's day to your Dads.


Saturday, June 13, 2009

It Isn't Just The Right Time

I've already talked about the confusion thing on my last post. and i think i already have the answers to those questions. I've already figured it out. Well, it took me a minute or two to absorb the thought but there's nothing i could do but accept the fact.

But accepting the fact sometimes becomes very painful especially when you really don't want to accept it. you want to believe to those things you want to believe with even though you know that it can't happen. well, it may do happen but it isn't just the right time. you can't hold on to anyone even to your friends because you don't want to be treated as the poor one or the pity one. though of course, they will understand you but you still feel that they might think of you as the assuming one. so, you got nothing to do but cry all alone, do something that could take away your attention from those failures.

but the thing is, you still wanna do it. you still want to continue what you have started even though you know that it isn't the right thing to do. you don't know the reason why. maybe you're hoping that somehow, everything's will turn out the other way around or maybe you just can't help it. you can't control yourself because it's the only thing that makes you happy. and the only thing you could do is to pretend that everything's fine with you though deep inside, you almost felt like dying. just a stupid thing, right? well, you know it's a stupid thing and you hate yourself for doing that but you just can't control yourself.

i have learned that there are more important things to consider. sometimes you just can't help but prioritize those less important things but in the end, as you encounter some failures and heartbroken, you will come to realize what are the right things to be prioritize more. sometimes, you'll end up hatin' it and regret doing itt, sometimes you'll be thankful for making you stronger. maybe it isn't just the right time for the both of you because you both know that you have to focused more on other things. well, actually.. you don't know if he also thinks the same way. you just have to move on and do the right thing and maybe, hopefully.. someday, the right time comes. you could be meant for each other or maybe not. let's just wait for the right time when everything's can be possible and you've already accomplished those important things.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Je suis perdu

why is it so hard to be in a confusion state? it's like everything's in contrast. your heart is contrast to what your mind is thinking, your past is like contradicting your future and same as your present. you want to be happy but you're afraid that it might turn out the other way around. you are thinking that you might be ready to face things but quite not sure if you could handle heartbreaks and failures. you think you can take all your chances but you're not yet even sure if it is worth sacrificing for.

i am talking about confusion here. apparently, about relationships. you were so broken because of your past relationships and you think that it was all because of 'karma' and you have nothing to do but accept the fact that it is really happening to you. you have no choice but to follow your heart and expect the worst things to happen because they are the consequences of what you did before. and they are just on their way to get back to you. you'll just accept all the heartbreaks and do stupid things just because you love the person and you never care if he/she will just dump you in the end. obviously, you're not yet entering the confusion state.

but what will happen, if you're now entering this state? you're so over with all the heartbreaks and failures and all you wanna do is to relax and have a happy life being single. with no commitments, and no heartbreaks in the future. all you wanna do is to focus on your studies or career, bond with your family and friends, flirt a little and do stuffs that single people usually do. but what if, this person just came and change all those plans and usual habits? what if he just appear from nowhere and he's doing nothing but to change everything in you? not really changing exactly the way you are but those things that you had changed because of your sick past and it just turned you to be a new person, in a mature way.. and now you're there again. almost experiencing the same feelings you felt before, doin' the things you've been doing before.. as if you haven't learn anything from your mistakes in the past. you're thinking again, "what if i am ready again to take my chances with that person?", "what if i am ready to be in love again?".. but still, you haven't got the answer to these questions.. "does he like me?", "is he really into me?", "do we have the same feelings for each other?", "what am i to him?".. those questions linger on your mind yet, you don't take a look at them seriously because you are beginning to be blinded by what you are feeling.

you don't seem to be so sure of what that person feels towards you, you're not yet sure if that person just flirting with you or what, you don't know if he is just your another karma, you're not even sure if you're the only one he treated that way or he's doing exactly the same things to other people and you just misunderstood it, you don't know if he likes you or just sees you as a friend, you don't know if he is honest with you all the time or just playin' around.. and there you are.. beginning to be stupid again, thinking that everything's gonna be alright in the end yet you're never sure if it will really happen.

in the end, you'll never be sure if what's the right thing to use. your mind that says, "haven't you learned anything from your past? boys will just hurt you in the end and you can't trust anyone of them! they will just use you and dumped you in the end!".. or your heart that says, "i am happy whenever i'm with him and i have to take all my chances with him just to be happy. i'm not sure if he feels exactly the same way, but how would i know if i don't give it a try?". both choices will just give you either frustration or happiness in the end. most likely, you will end up following your heart though you're not rest assured of what will happen. that's what we called stupidity.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

No Fun.

Well, this is Drew Seeley. I've been loving him so much recently because of his great songs. i have watched already his movie entitled "Another Cinderella Story" with Selena Gomez and it's freaking wonderful. the story was awesome and people could really relate to it. the story of Cinderella had been old to people and like when you heard Cinderella, it's like.. Oh yeah, i know that story. a girl who left her shoe because it was almost midnight and she was with this sort of a curfew or else, she will be revealed as a freakin' maid inside a ball and that a prince will look for her.. blah blah blah.. but this movie.. wow! it seems .. ughh, what can i say, i'm so speechless and all i can do is smile and wish that it could happen to me also. lol. I've already watched also the "Cinderella Story" by Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray. and just like Another Cinderella Story, it made my heart melt. lol.

recently, i've been listening to his song "No Classic", the acoustic version. it is so good! you have to check it out. it feels im falling in love over and over again because of that song. it keeps me high. :) and one thing, everytime i look at his pictures.. it keeps on reminding me of our Commerce Student Council President. his name is Junimar. i dunno, for some reason.. they have resemblance. haha

i've been doing nothing lately. it was no fun. boredom really kills me.. but i guess i really need this time for me to be relaxed because school is already coming and i know, stress won't leave me again. i need to prepare myself for tough examinations and loads of homeworks.

i've heard this news about the disappeared plane. it's like.. oh my gosh! it sounds unreal! like, was that supposed to be real? or like, possible? how come it disappeared just like that? but anyhow, i felt pity for the families of those missing people. i know the authority are doing their best to solve that incident and i hope they'll be successful with that. and i know, God will help them so let's just pray on bended knees for good results.

Oh well, i just wondered, would it be possible for the "Cast Away" movie by Tom Hanks to happen? i mean, what if there's one survivor from that plane then he was stranded all alone in an island? possible right? okay, im just imagining things, so don't get me wrong. lol.

okay, that's all for tonight.